Love Shouldn’t Hurt!

Warm weather is normally associated with love…new relationships, weddings, bridal showers.  As the sun melts the last bit of snow and warms our hearts, picking out dresses and flowers, celebrating anniversaries, and expressing undying love become the norm across the world.  So it saddens me when this glorious season is interrupted by the news of death associated with Domestic Violence.

Victims are not only women; this horrible act does not see gender, age, or race. The statistics are overwhelming.  If you don’t believe me, take a quick glance at Safehorizon.com.  The numbers will leave you staggering, especially the number of defenseless children who are hospitalized, brutalized, and murdered…by a purported loved one!

I’ve never understood the rationale behind Domestic Violence.  I can understand the power struggle associated with all crimes, but to intentionally cause pain and suffering for someone you profess to love is beyond all reasoning.  Love should never hurt!  Quite the opposite…instead of hurt, you are supposed to go above and beyond to create joy, happiness, and bliss for the people you love.

Your wife/girlfriend is not your child and does not require discipline.  Your husband/boyfriend is your mate and should be respected and loved, not demeaned and battered.  Your children are blessing from God and require guidance, nor the back of your hand because you are too selfishly overwhelmed with your own life to care for or be concerned about their well-beings.

If you can’t deal with the challenges and sacrifices associated with commitment, you have the personal freedom to either get professional help or to walk away.  You are not a coward because you walked away from an unworkable situation; bravery is accepting that the situation is unworkable and moving on to create something better for yourself.

Although we want love to last forever, sometimes it doesn’t because we don’t want it to or because we don’t have the tools to make it work.  When this happens, either walk away or get help to show you the necessary tools.  No, I’m not advocating divorce, but rather acknowledging that a successful relationship requires maturity, and if you enter a relationship lacking this maturity, you may have to back away from that relationship until you gain that maturity.

The same can be said for parenting.  I know the stresses involved with raising children, but under no circumstances should you blame your children because you lack the tools and skills to be a parent.  The children are not responsible for your deficiencies as a parent.  We all have these deficiencies; we must learn to overcome those deficiencies, rather than abuse our children because of our deficiencies.  If you don’t know how, ask someone.  No one who cares about you will look down on you because you ask for help.  If someone criticizes you because you need help, then that person shouldn’t be in your life.

Death caused by Domestic Violence should sadden everyone.  It is entirely avoidable, completely unacceptable, and utterly inexcusable.  Family violence has no place in this world.  Family means love, and love should never hurt!