Love Shouldn’t Hurt!

Warm weather is normally associated with love…new relationships, weddings, bridal showers.  As the sun melts the last bit of snow and warms our hearts, picking out dresses and flowers, celebrating anniversaries, and expressing undying love become the norm across the world.  So it saddens me when this glorious season is interrupted by the news of death associated with Domestic Violence.

Victims are not only women; this horrible act does not see gender, age, or race. The statistics are overwhelming.  If you don’t believe me, take a quick glance at Safehorizon.com.  The numbers will leave you staggering, especially the number of defenseless children who are hospitalized, brutalized, and murdered…by a purported loved one!

I’ve never understood the rationale behind Domestic Violence.  I can understand the power struggle associated with all crimes, but to intentionally cause pain and suffering for someone you profess to love is beyond all reasoning.  Love should never hurt!  Quite the opposite…instead of hurt, you are supposed to go above and beyond to create joy, happiness, and bliss for the people you love.

Your wife/girlfriend is not your child and does not require discipline.  Your husband/boyfriend is your mate and should be respected and loved, not demeaned and battered.  Your children are blessing from God and require guidance, nor the back of your hand because you are too selfishly overwhelmed with your own life to care for or be concerned about their well-beings.

If you can’t deal with the challenges and sacrifices associated with commitment, you have the personal freedom to either get professional help or to walk away.  You are not a coward because you walked away from an unworkable situation; bravery is accepting that the situation is unworkable and moving on to create something better for yourself.

Although we want love to last forever, sometimes it doesn’t because we don’t want it to or because we don’t have the tools to make it work.  When this happens, either walk away or get help to show you the necessary tools.  No, I’m not advocating divorce, but rather acknowledging that a successful relationship requires maturity, and if you enter a relationship lacking this maturity, you may have to back away from that relationship until you gain that maturity.

The same can be said for parenting.  I know the stresses involved with raising children, but under no circumstances should you blame your children because you lack the tools and skills to be a parent.  The children are not responsible for your deficiencies as a parent.  We all have these deficiencies; we must learn to overcome those deficiencies, rather than abuse our children because of our deficiencies.  If you don’t know how, ask someone.  No one who cares about you will look down on you because you ask for help.  If someone criticizes you because you need help, then that person shouldn’t be in your life.

Death caused by Domestic Violence should sadden everyone.  It is entirely avoidable, completely unacceptable, and utterly inexcusable.  Family violence has no place in this world.  Family means love, and love should never hurt!

The Fast and the Furious

It is approximately 13 miles from my home to my place of employment.  But living in the 4th most populous city in the United States, this 13 mile journey usually takes about an hour.  In addition to the hour-long drive, one thing I can count on is a profusion of angry, reckless drivers.  The drive is filled with honking horns, gesturing fingers, yelling voices, accelerating vehicles and burning rubber; everyone angry because they cannot get to the place they need to be by the time they needs to be there.

I, myself, have sometimes succumbed to the mania.  I’ve honked my horn at inconsiderate drivers and yelled at zooming vehicles, but not because I’m in a rush to get anywhere; rather because this type of driving puts everyone in danger.  I try never to speed when I’m driving.  I will admit, I’m sometimes late for work.  It not because I don’t care about my job, but because I realize that being late is my fault, not the fault of the other drivers.  Thus, it’s beyond logic to become angry with other drivers or put others at risk because I messed up or because of some weather factor beyond anyone’s control.

I get it; we live in a fast-paced society.  Everyone wants everything now! We want our food faster, our computers to process faster, our cars to move faster, our children to compute math facts faster, and to lose weight faster.  Instant gratification is the name of the game.  Time waits for no man!  But what are you really gaining by rushing through a few seconds?

Will the food taste any better if the chef prepares it in 3 minutes rather than 5? Why do you need a car that can go from 0-60 in 4 seconds?  Why are you angry because someone walks through the front door at the office 2 seconds before you?

By rushing through life, we fail to notice and appreciate the little things, the little girl waving at you from the back seat of her parents’ car, the kids laughing on their way to school in the morning, the elderly couple enjoying a cup of coffee together at the local coffee shop in celebration of their 50th wedding anniversary, a meal with your children, the couple walking their dog while holding hands, your children telling you about something funny that happened at school.

Time is free!  No one owns it; everyone has access to it.  You are not wasting it if you are using it in a way that matters.  So, take time out to appreciate what matters most.  No need to rush, because life always gives you more time.  Even when you mess up, you always have more time to fix it.  Spending time being angry and complaining doesn’t make anything better and only steals your time.  Savor every moment you are granted, and enjoy all the time you have.

The Best Part of a Bad Day is Knowing It’s Okay!

For the 2nd day in a row I awakened with a headache.  There’s no explanation for the headache; I’m not overly stressed; I haven’t been drinking; there’s no obvious medical explanation.  My first inclination was to stay in bed and sleep all day, but that thought quickly went away when my 11 and 8 year olds came bouncing down the stairs asking to go to the store to spent more of their Christmas money.

The headache didn’t go away, but as I watched my children’s faces beam with happiness when I answered in the affirmation, I knew that the day would be okay.

After going to six different stores so they could find what they wanted, sitting in traffic, and enduring running and screaming kids, I thought my head would explode.  The headache caused some negative thoughts – why do parents allow their children to behave that way in public; why doesn’t this store have more checkout lines open; why is traffic so bad on a Saturday afternoon. By the time we returned home four hours later, I was exhausted and my head was pounding even more.  However, my children were happy!

i thought I would finally get an opportunity to rest, but then my 11-year-old asked me to watch a movie with him and his brother.  I endured 90 minutes of Digimon, which I still don’t understand.  Then my 8th year spent some time explaining to me the characters on Five Nights at Freddy’s, which I still don’t understand.  What happened to the cartoons when I was a kid?  This did not help my headache.  But, I was spending quality time with my children.

Soon, I remembered I still had to prepare dinner, do laundry and clean the house…so much for my restful Saturday!

My children then made the decision that they would prepare dinner for me.  My 11-year-old prepared homemade fries, and my 8-year-old cooked grilled cheese sandwiches.  It wasn’t a gourmet meal, but it was made with love, and it was delicious!  As we sat and ate dinner, I began to think about how horrible this day was for me because of my headache, and how wonderful and blessed I am because my children are always there to make everything okay.

At the end of the day, this was a great day because I made the choice not to concentrate on what was making it bad, but what could make it better!  My bad day was okay because I accentuated the positive rather than let the negative take control.

We all have bad days – someone says something mean to you or about you, you feel bad, or you feel hopeless.  It’s okay to have a bad day, but the way to fight back is to treat someone better than you would treat yourself.  You combat negativity with positivity, and in the end, everything will be okay.

Happy New Year!

2015 is here!  Now begins the tradition of setting resolutions for how you will change and improve your lives for the new year.  Out with the old; In with the new!

As I scan social media and read internet news, I’ve read a lot about how people should not make resolutions because they are useless.  The postings point out how with good intentions, you promise to lose weight, save money, exercise, eat better, invest, spend more time with family, quit smoking, etc., the same resolutions made over and over each year.  The postings go on to state that if you are still making the same resolutions year after year, with no results, it’s no use making them again.

I disagree.  The fact that you are still making resolutions every year shows that you are still trying and willing to improve.  You haven’t given up on yourself.  You recognize that you need to make changes to be the person you can be.  However, change is hard.  Even the smallest change requires a huge commitment in time, finances, and resources.  If it was easy, this would be a world of perfect people.  Imperfections are what makes us unique, like a diamond.

In any case, the fact that you make a new commitment every year means that you haven’t failed.  You are successful because you haven’t given up.  You take up your banner every January 1 and work on it as long as you can.  Some things you accomplish; some things take a little longer; some things you may never accomplish.  However, as long as you never give up, you have won.

You fail when you stop trying.  So, continue making your New Year’s Resolutions.  You may not accomplish them this year or this decade, but as long as you keep trying, you are successful!

Now, to start my 30 day abs challenge…

Why Blog?

Nowadays, everyone has something to say, and so, there are many bloggers out there.  Blogging is a sure fire way to say your piece, positive or negative.  With so many bloggers, I have always been hesitant about blogging because I always thought of myself as a serious writer, even though I had not published anything as an adult.  I won’t count the short stories published in Highlights magazine when I was a child, or the dozens of half-written novels on my personal computer.  Still, I’m a serious writer…

This year, I decided that I needed to finish some of those half-written novels and began writing feverishly after work and on the weekends.  The problem was that the more I wrote, the more ideas I got, so I’d put that novel aside and start on a new one so I wouldn’t forget my great idea.  The end result was more half-written novels!

Occasionally while writing I’d get this brilliant, or at least brilliant in my mind, peek of a life lesson that I wanted to include in my novel, but no one really wants to read that when they are reading a legal drama – my favorite writing genre.  I thought about writing an inspirational book, but everything I know about writing says that you should stick with one genre, so I kept dismissing the notion.  Yet, the inspirational pieces kept coming.  I thought my mind would pop if I kept suppressing those thoughts so I made the decision to write them down.  Hence, a blog…

I’m not a preacher or a Bible scholar.  I’m not a medical doctor or psychologist.  What I am is a person who perseveres, despite the storm.  I understand that struggles happen in life, and instead of giving up, you fight harder.  This blog will  bestow the principles that keep me going, in hopes that it will also keep you going.